After Alex Ferguson and Man Utd picked up Ronaldo a couple of years ago, when no-one was paying much attention to the Portuguese winger, now both Real Madrid and Barcelona are vying like mad to pay a stupendous sum for Cristiano, a player whose antics could get him crocked on the pitch at any time.

History does not look good for egotistical players who get their break and then think they own the universe. Henry has had a miserable time since leaving Arsenal for Barcelona. Beckham, though good for shirt sales never won anything at Real Madrid except one league title in 3 years. Hardly a step forwards.

Best thing regarding Cristiano Ronaldo is to sell him and take the money. His style is more suited to the premier league than Spain’s la liga, he will languish in Madrid. In a couple of years Rooney could come out of the shadow cast by Ronaldo. Remember, Sell high, buy low!

And Ferguson should be so happy, after winning the champions league so luckily late on wednesday night. Both champions league wins have been so lucky, right at the death.

The Moscow pitch came to Ferguson’s aid when John Terry slipped when taking his penalty, why is Moscow so unlucky for the Brits?

Real Madrid have made no secret of their desire to be chequebook champions, take note Michel Platini, all top european clubs build their teams by extensive use of their chequebooks. 75 million euros they will pay, and Ronaldo will be on his way.

Of course it will be a step down for Christiano Ronaldo if he moves to Real Madrid, they haven’t won much in the last years and are no longer the feared team of previous decades. It comes down to management, just as important as having good players. If Real chose a manager and gave him a few years to build a team, they wouldn’t need to sign Ronaldo.

Alex Ferguson has a perma grin on his face these days, he knows he nearly got fired himself in his early days at Man Utd, but was given the time, perhaps Real Madrid should learn from that and not worry about Ferguson’s franco comments.

What an amazing debate in the commons today about IVF treatment for lesbians and single sex mothers, (yes that’s what one MP said), paid for by the NHS. IVF treatment is currently taking millions out of the NHS budget each year.

Is not being able to conceive an illness? Of course not, in the same way that someone without the football dexterity of Ronaldo will never play for Man Utd. You can allow yourself to get depressed or sad about it, but that is a human condition all have. You are not ill or unwell or in pain if you want to conceive a child using IVF treatment. QED, you want to do something about it, you pay for it, and allow the NHS budget to care for people who are ill.

Yet cancer sufferers in the UK are every day being denied new medicines on the NHS due to a limited NHS budget being spooned out by NICE.

So how come we are even debating spending more millions of taxpayers money to cure people where there is no illness? (IVF Treatment and consultancy is the biggest earner in corporate medicine, so watch out for spoilers, inc MP’s).

Looney left wing Islington post neo-communist Labour MP’s, led by a childlike minister complete with ill grace, tantrums and all,  that’s how.

Boy there are some selfish people out there. I’m talking about helicopter pilots who aimlessly hover or circle around above, nothing better to do than annoy people. When you get a break from work, you need some peace and quiet, not some selfish git with a helicopter pilots licence who wants to disturb everybody’s right to peace.

I’ve got no problem with helicopters or planes which are actually going somewhere, they fly overhead on the way to their destination and that’s it. At the weekend we were over Glastonbury way and it was amazing to hear a never ending stream of helicopters or light planes circling around and around, or hovering slowly overhead, one after another, all day. The noise could be heard for miles, it obliterated any calm, and these pilots, who must know they are disturbing the peace, just carry on regardless. At times there were 3 or 4 in the air overhead at the same time, and think some people on the ground were hoping for a collision. It must be hell living in Glastonbury with this constant racket going on every day.

Me, I just wish these selfish helicopter pilots would just use their machines to go somewhere useful, and not annoy the hell out of others by causing noise nuisance.

Mobile Phones, that’s cell phones to the Americans, are now considered by some health experts to be more dangerous to the health than smoking cigarettes. Now that’s quite a claim considering that all 6 billion of us are subjected to a battering of cosmic radiation every day and not all use cell phones.

Who do these health experts work for? Landline phone companies? The mobile phone has become so necessary in today’s third wave, thanks to Alvin Toffler for the three waves, that we couldn’t do without it anyway. Hold it a foot away from the head when speaking maybe? 

Perhaps loudspeakers inside the phones would enable users to communicate with their mobile phones from a distance. You may now shout into your phone from a distance, but keep it away from your ears, it’s dangerous!

Of course after buying himself a smart little third of a million pound runaround, an old banger if you will, Wayne Rooney will have other things on his mind than football and winning the champions league.

First, how fast will his new car go? What is the point on so ostentatiously spending out on another motor when Wayne already probably has a garage full of them. It would be so nice to see footballers eschewing the ‘loads of money’ lifestyle so brilliantly portrayed by Harry Enfield back in the Thatcher years, and showing a little bit more grace and style.

Now Rooney has a hernia to worry about and may miss the champions league final at the end of May. However club sources predict he could still play through the pain barrier and help Man Utd to win their second major trophy in ten years. Me, I’m hoping Chelsea win it, not only for Avram Grant, who always looks like such a lone battler, but for Michael Ballack who looks more and more, as each game goes past, like a second world war tank commander, only missing the peaked cap.